Secrets Untold Read online

  “And how old were you?” I asked.

  “I was twenty-two years old,” she responded. “Young and naïve.”

  “I’ll say,” I added.

  “Porsha, if this conversation with us is going to work, I suggest you keep your smart aleck comments to a minimum.” My mom’s eyes locked with mine.

  “Needless to say, once I learned what happened, I went and kicked Dion’s behind.”

  “Dear, that’s enough,” my mom said, as she reached out to touch Dad on the top of his hand.

  “Porsha’s old enough to hear this. I’m not sugarcoating anything to make Dion look good.”

  “It’s not about making him look good. Anyway, where was I?”

  “You said, you were young and naive,” I responded.

  “Yes. It was only one time, and soon afterward, me and Trey made up and finalized our wedding plans.” My mom’s eyes glazed over. “Then one of the worst days of my life happened. I found out I was pregnant, and I knew it couldn’t be Trey’s child because of the timing.”

  I leaned forward in my chair. “So, you’re saying I was a mistake. Oh my God!”

  “No, baby. Calm down. You were not a mistake. You were a blessing, and you’re still a blessing to me.”

  “I don’t know if I’m ready to hear all of this. Maybe we can finish this talk tomorrow.” My hands shook nervously.

  My mom looked at my dad and then back at me. “We can talk about this later, whenever you’re ready.”

  I would never be ready, but I didn’t say that. “Tomorrow would be better,” I said. I stood up and headed for the door.

  Before I could reach it, my mom said, “Try to finish your homework. I don’t want you to fall behind.”

  “Whatever,” I said, under my breath, but not really caring if she heard me. My whole world as I knew it was crumbling around me. Schoolwork was the last thing on my mind.

  6

  The next morning I continued to give my mother major attitude. How could she keep something as important as my biological father from me?

  “Porsha, you’ll eventually have to talk to me. The silent treatment is not going to work,” my mom said, as she attempted to hold a conversation with me.

  I ignored her while I ate my bowl of cereal. The tension in the kitchen was thick. Jay and Jason, being their normal selves, got on my nerves.

  My dad or Trey or whatever I would end up calling him walked into the kitchen. “Porsha, if you like, I can drop you off at school today.”

  He didn’t have to say it twice. I jumped up from the table. “Let me grab my backpack.”

  I placed my earphones to my iPod in my ear as my dad pulled out of the driveway. I looked up toward the house just in time to catch my mom standing in the doorway. A part of me felt sorry for her, but the pain she was feeling, she brought on herself. Maybe, she’ll think twice about keeping major secrets from me or anyone else.

  “Baby girl, let’s talk for a minute,” Trey said, as he pulled out on the major street leading to my school.

  I removed the earpiece from my ear and gave him my full attention. “I’m listening.”

  “In my heart, you are mine. I’ve loved you from the moment I knew you were conceived.”

  Wow! He was special to love someone else’s seed. That’s why I loved him so much. I didn’t want to lose his love. Trey would always be my daddy. I just hoped he would continue to feel the same love for me, even if I decided to reach out to Dion.

  “I love you too, Daddy. Is it all right for me to still call you Daddy?”

  “Baby girl, it would hurt me if you stopped calling me Daddy,” he responded.

  I could hear the fear in his voice. “You’ll always be my daddy, no matter what,” I assured him.

  His frown was replaced with a slight smile. “That’s good to know. I also wanted you to know if you want to reach out to Dion, I will understand.”

  “I’m not so sure about doing that.”

  “Whatever you decide, I support your decision. I will not stand in your way of getting to know your biological father.”

  By now we were near my school. My heart was breaking all over again because with his words, I could see the pain of uncertainty in his eyes. I didn’t know what to say to reassure him. We rode the rest of the way to school in silence.

  “I love you, Daddy,” I said, while fidgeting with my backpack.

  “Love you too, baby girl,” he responded, as he watched me exit his SUV.

  We waved good-bye to each other right before I walked up the sidewalk toward the school. I looked back, and he was still parked. I waved once more and headed toward the front door.

  Ken’s face was the last one I wanted to see, but he rushed up to me as soon as he saw me walk down the hallway.

  “Porsha, we need to talk,” he stated, as he blocked my path.

  “Another time, but right now, I’m not in the mood.”

  Ken reached for my arm, and I jerked it.

  “I’m sorry, okay. I was a fool,” he blurted out.

  That he was, but I had too much going on and wasn’t in the mood for his theatrics. “Save your apology for someone who cares. Now move, because I have to go to class.” By now, I was standing with my arms folded and my head tilted to the side with pouted lips.

  “I’m not giving up on us,” he said, as he moved out of my way.

  “Don’t bother,” I responded, and kept walking to my first period class.

  Mr. Trudeau asked for my assignment as soon as I entered the door.

  “I didn’t get it,” I lied.

  I would continue to tell that lie to all of my teachers that day. Instead of working out during gym, my gym teacher allowed me to spend the time catching up on my schoolwork. After gym came the hour I dreaded—lunch time. I would no longer be able to avoid questioning from Danielle and Tara.

  Both of my BFFs were seated in the lunch room when I arrived. I didn’t have much of an appetite, so I grabbed some fruit and juice and headed their way.

  “Look who showed up,” Tara teased.

  “I’ve had a lot going on.”

  Danielle barely said a word.

  Tara continued, “You’ve been ignoring us for days now, but that’s okay. We understand.”

  “Well, I don’t,” Danielle snapped.

  “Dani, I thought we agreed not to say anything,” Tara said.

  “Porsha, what is going on with you? And we want to know now.”

  If my head wasn’t about to burst with all of the information and tension inside, I would have made them wait, but I needed to talk to someone.

  While peeling my orange, I spilled my guts. “My dad’s not my father. Dion McNeil is,” I blurted out.

  Danielle laughed. “You’re trying to punk us.”

  Tara added, “Yes, come on now. Be for real.”

  “I’m telling y’all the truth. The Dion McNeil is my biological father.”

  Danielle and Tara looked at each other, and then both sets of eyes were back on me.

  Tara broke the silence. “Wow! So how long have you known?”

  I recounted how I found out.

  Danielle interrupted, “So your mom kept a secret like this from you? Wait until I tell my mom.”

  I shook my head. “Don’t tell your mom anything we discussed here. In fact, don’t neither one of y’all tell anyone what I told you.”

  “Well, it’s just my mom,” Danielle said.

  “I don’t care. I’m only telling you this because you’re my best friends.” I knew Danielle wouldn’t be able to keep it from her mom, but I could at least throw in the friendship card to persuade her to hold off on disclosing it to her mother.

  Tara, the more reasonable-sounding out of the two today, asked, “So when are you going to meet your real father?”

  “Good question. I don’t know. To be truthful to you, I really don’t think he knows I exist.”

  “But what if he does and he just allowed your parents to raise you? What then?” Danielle as
ked.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it. Besides, I’m not sure if I’m going to reach out to him or not. My life’s perfect just the way it is.”

  “Speaking of perfect . . . there goes someone who thinks she’s perfect,” Tara said, as she looked toward the front door of the cafeteria.

  My eyes darted in the same direction. There standing near the door was my archenemy, also now known as my half-sister, Ms. Jasmine McNeil. Dion McNeil’s daughter. The daughter he seemed to dote on. The daughter he gave all of his love to while ignoring me.

  7

  I agreed to call Danielle and Tara later as we parted ways after lunch. The remaining part of my day dragged on. I barely paid attention to my teachers. I even flunked a pop quiz because I hadn’t read the assignment. Normally, I would be concerned with keeping my 4.0 average, but my grades were the furthest thing from my mind.

  When the last bell rang ending school for the day, instead of feeling relief, I felt fearful of what was to come next. My mom’s car sat near the curb. I walked extra slow. She spoke when I opened the door, but I didn’t respond.

  “Porsha, we can’t go on like this,” she said, as she waited for me to put on my seatbelt.

  “Hi, Mom,” I said loudly. I looked her directly in the face. “Is that better?”

  “Dear, I know this is a difficult time for you, but don’t forget your place. I’m still your mother, and I will not be tolerating any more of your attitudes.”

  I rolled my eyes and looked out the window as she pulled away from the school. Music and the fast rate of my heartbeat were the only two things I heard as we rode the way home in silence. She barely had the car parked before I jumped out of the car. I fumbled through my backpack for my keys but without success.

  “Here,” my mom said, as she handed me her house keys.

  I turned the lock and handed them back to her. Without waiting for her to say anything else, I made a beeline to my bedroom. I threw my backpack on the floor and then plopped down on my bed. I leaned back and closed my eyes. My hopes of relaxing were dashed when my mom burst in my room without knocking.

  “We need to talk,” she said.

  I responded, “I don’t feel like talking.”

  My mom walked to the bed and sat down. “Sit up, so we can talk.”

  I grudgingly sat up. “I’m all talked out.”

  “Good. Then you can listen.”

  My mom was determined to talk, so I gave her my undivided attention. “I’m listening.”

  With a faraway look in her eyes, she said, “I love your father.”

  “Which one?” I asked.

  “Trey is your father and will always be your father as far as I’m concerned,” she responded.

  “Then why were you keeping a scrapbook then?” I asked.

  “Just in case. But I never knew ‘just in case’ would actually happen. I never meant for you to find out the way that you did.”

  I chuckled. “I don’t think you ever meant for me to find out, period.”

  My mom looked down. “You’re not far from the truth.”

  I could feel the rage inside of me return. “Mother, dear, what is the truth? I want the whole truth and nothing but the truth.”

  “Maybe we should wait for Trey to get here.”

  Oh, no. She was not going to get off that easy. I could see her chickening out. “Mama, I need you to tell me what happened. I can’t wait for Trey. I need answers now.”

  “Don’t ever disrespect Trey again by calling him by name. He’s your dad . . . your father . . . your guardian. He’s done more for you than Dion would have ever done.”

  My mom actually sounded like I had made her mad. Did I care? No. She owed me answers, and I wanted them. Right now, we were at a standstill. We each stared at the other without saying a word.

  When I didn’t back down but just blinked my eyes a few times, my mom went on to say, “Dion and I were never a couple. Truthfully, I regretted the moment we slept together because I was also friends with his wife.”

  “How could you do that to one of your friends?” I asked. Skank was the only word I could think of. I felt ashamed that I equated that word with my mother.

  “Dion was having problems at home. Your dad . . . Trey, was out doing his thing. I thought he didn’t love me. I was confused. I needed to feel loved, and Dion, for just that one night, made me feel loved.”

  “Mom, I never knew you to be so insecure.” I wasn’t liking the things coming out of my mouth toward my mom, but I was still upset.

  “Dear, my patience is getting thin, so I suggest you keep your smart aleck comments to yourself.”

  I retreated. My mom was from Shreveport, Louisiana and told me plenty of stories of how her parents disciplined her. I had gone fifteen years without receiving any whuppings, so I wasn’t about to start now.

  She continued with her story. “Your dad and I reconciled, and as we were saying to you, that’s when I found out I was pregnant.”

  “Tell me this. Does Dion know he’s my father?” I asked with clenched fists.

  “Dion suspected you were his, but when Trey agreed to be your father, I lied and told Dion you weren’t his.”

  A sense of relief swept through me. I think that was one of my biggest fears. Knowing that he really didn’t know I existed made me feel so much better. I think I was more afraid that he knew about me but chose to disown me than anything. “So, you’re the reason why me and my real father were kept apart? How could you, Mom?”

  Shame disclosed in her eyes, my mom responded, “I did what I thought would be best for you. Trey has been a good husband to me and father to you.”

  “No, Mom, you did what was best for you,” I snapped. “You didn’t want to lose Dad, so you took the easy route.”

  I guess I must have hit home because my mom didn’t disagree. She didn’t even raise her voice.

  “Yes, I admit, I was a coward. I couldn’t face Dion’s wife. I didn’t want to break up his family. And, yes, I wanted to hold on to Trey too.”

  “Wow! I guess I inherit keeping secrets from you. I’ve never been one to tell anyone else’s secrets.”

  “I’m wrong for not telling you. I hope one day you’ll forgive me,” my mom said, as she stood up.

  “Maybe one day, I will, but right now, Mom, this is a lot to digest.” If she was looking for me to ease her guilty conscience, she was out of luck.

  “Honey, I’m home,” I heard my dad say from somewhere in the distance.

  “I’m in Porsha’s room,” Mom yelled out.

  My dad walked in and looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Good. I’m glad you’re both here. I have something to tell you.”

  I slid to the edge of the bed.

  My mom said, “What, baby? Just tell us.”

  My dad looked directly at me when he said, “I contacted Dion. He’s coming over this weekend so we can all talk.”

  “Did you tell him about Porsha?” my mom asked.

  “No. We’ll tell him together. He’ll be here Saturday afternoon. Just thought you two should know.”

  “That’s tomorrow,” I responded.

  “You should have talked to me before you did that,” my mom said.

  My dad responded, “Fifteen years ago, I let you do what you thought was best for Porsha. As man of this house, I’m now doing what I think is best for Porsha.”

  “But—” my mom said.

  “No buts. This secret has gone on long enough. It’s time for this secret to be told.”

  Without saying another word, both of my parents left me to ponder this new chain of events.

  8

  I tossed and turned in my sleep the majority of the night. The thought of meeting Dion McNeil weighed heavily on my mind.

  My mom walked around in a zombie-like state last night and today. I convinced her to let me go to the mall with Danielle and Tara. I figured she would be glad to get rid of me as she dealt with her
own thoughts.

  “How do you like this on me?” Tara asked, as she puckered out her lips, showcasing the hot pink lip gloss.

  “That color is too bright,” Danielle responded.

  I agreed.

  Tara picked up a tissue and wiped it off. “How about this one?” she asked, this time rubbing on cherry red lip gloss.

  “That’s much better,” I responded.

  “I prefer this chocolate bronze myself,” Danielle said, as she lifted the tube off the lip gloss tester and applied it.

  “Perfect,” I responded. “I might try that one myself.”

  Danielle got the attention of the sales clerk. “We want two chocolate bronzes and one cherry red.”

  Less than fifteen minutes later, we were leaving the department store with our purchases. Danielle and Tara were happy to participate in my retail therapy as we went from store to store. By the time Danielle’s mom picked us up, we all had dozens of shopping bags.

  “I hate to see my bill next month,” Danielle’s mom said, as she opened up the trunk of her luxury car. It was easy to spot Danielle’s mom with her curly honey-blond shoulder-length hair.

  “Mom, I get an allowance. It’s not like it’s costing you anything extra,” Danielle responded.

  “Anyway, glad you girls had fun.”

  We listened to Danielle’s mom talk about shopping and how we should appreciate all of the advantages we had because, when she was growing up, her parents couldn’t afford to keep her in designer clothes. I could tell her story in my sleep because she never let any of us forget where she came from.

  By the time we reached my house, I was thrilled to be getting out of the car. “Thanks, Mrs. Davis,” I said, as I gathered my bags and said my goodbyes to my friends.

  No one was home when I got there. I went straight to my room and tried to put away the items I bought before my parents returned. I too got an allowance, but my purchases put me over my monthly allowance. I knew when my dad got the bill, he would be complaining. Normally, all I would have to do is bat my pretty eyes and he would stop the lecture. I wasn’t sure what his reaction would now be.

  I glanced at the clock. Four o’clock was quickly approaching. The doorbell rang, and my parents were nowhere in sight. I glanced out my window and saw a car parked outside that I didn’t recognize. The doorbell rang again.